Newstalk 970 WBLF. I’m Wes Richards with some thoughts on crows.
Once again, the borough is on the warpath and public enemy number one is the crow.
They’ve brought in the heavy artillery … ear splitting sound effects designed to chase the birds. Set off enough firecrackers and what? The birds will evaporate?
No, they won’t. They’ll just move along for awhile. The boro shudders in horror at the nesting birds, their droppings, the intimidating presence.
Best to send them off into the surrounding townships. After all, let them go to the bathroom and their intimidating presence to lesser communities. Like, say, Patton or Ferguson or Harris or Half Moon or College.
Let THEM eat crow.
Crows are smart. They can count. They know where their nests are. They’ll wait until the fourth of july-in-the-winter fireworks display ends. And then they’ll head back to the boro and the campus.
They have their own built in GPS devices.
Crows are tough. They don’t scare easily. They’ll look you right in the eye, then fly off as they leave a deposit on your head.
Resistance is futile, as the borgs used to say on Star Trek.
Crows know history. They’ve been nesting here at this time of year for centuries if not millennia before cows meandered around Old Main.
“We’ve ALWAYS done it this way.”
Someone will come up with the brilliant idea that a border collie or two or three can get rid of these obnoxious birds.
But unless you can find a border collie that can fly, you’ll probably be out of luck.
The squirrels, however, are rejoicing. The presence of crows makes their ground movements less noticeable. They’re good at stealth as they are at acrobatics but avoiding detection entirely will probably result in an overabundance of tree rats after the mating season. Or at least a population of squirrels requiring Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem or a treadmill at the very least.
It won’t be long before the anti-crow movement goes high tech.
Look for armed drones to pick them out of the sky in flight.
Look for ground to air missiles.
Look for chemical weapons.
Look for laughing crows and apoplectic human beings.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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